The Next Step...

I love being a mom. I never particularly wanted to be a mom, before I became a mom. I never ogled over babies, or even wanted to hold them. In fact, babies terrified me... but biological clocks, being what they are - I changed my mind and we had kids. To my surprise, I found my calling - so to speak. I felt very at ease and comfortable with my role as Mom and my kids have responded beautifully to the point where I happen to think that I am a pretty good Mom... my kids think so anyway (but ask them again when they are in their 20's!). I haven't felt any desire to go back to work or do something outside the home, and I am fortunate to be in a position where I don't have to work.

However, this year my baby starts grade one. Grade one is big. Grade one means that they will both be gone, all day. My life is about to shift into the next chapter and I have been very uncertain where this chapter should go. On the one hand, I am pretty confident that I could go out and get a good paying job... a job that I would possibly enjoy doing. But doing that job means that now my kids would possibly need after school care and what about during Christmas, Easter and Summer breaks from school. Where do they go then. I also am very guilty of wanting to be included in many things... hubby does get a lot of time off, (but his schedule is all over the place) and if he and the kids are going to do something fun, I would much rather join them and make it a family affair, than be stuck at work. Hence my dilemma... what to do...

I am pretty certain that the first month of the kids being at school all day and me having time to myself, would be pretty much heavenly. I love them, but a break is always good! After the first month of school though, I think it would be very easy to get in a bad place, personally. To not have some"thing" to describe yourself doing. I could fill my time with this and that but when someone was to ask me what I do... how would I answer.

So after much soul searching about what I thought I should do, it occurred to me that I would love to go back to college. I thoroughly enjoyed college, the open-mindedness, the discussions, the learning, the discovery and the writing. It was a much more enjoyable thing than BCIT. BCIT was a means to an end, but it wasn't enjoyable. College was. I never got a degree from college, a thing which I would love to have, but not necessarily my goal at this point in time... at this point in time I need something to engage me, give me a purpose and a schedule, and something to keep me moving forward, so I do not stagnate. I will start slow and see where it goes from there... until my time is a bit more free for myself. So I started with an online English course which will give me the freedom to still be there if the kids are sick or have a pro-d day... maybe next semester I will take more but for now, this is all I can envision.

So it is back to school for the kids and me!